These rumours about my condition are completely unfounded! I've just, um, put on a little weight, that's all. I would never tarnish the reputation of the Miss Abstinence title which I so proudly wear. I certainly will NOT step down! I will continue to wear my crown and hold my head up high as an abstinent role model for young women. Because I truly, truly believe in abstinence as birth control. Obviously.
Happy Halloween, everyone! :)